Frequencies – Poem

Lust

My thirst is insatiable

It feels as though a beast has been awakened in me

I know this demon

I don’t trust him

I need structure, I tell myself

I need boundaries

I need control

Need, need, need

Freedom

Liberation on the back of my mind daily now

From what though? Where am I trapped?

I take a vacation and do the same things there that I do here

Walks, coffee, beach

Yet there, I’m free

And for that, I’m alive

Death

Never have I been so aware of time

What do I have, 40 – 45 years? Well my grandparents lived longer, but they complained for most of it.

What’s the quality of life past 75? I’m already 31.

One life to live, I’m already marching towards death

Morning

In the morning, I awake while my wife sleeps

I start work

Everything I do is work, I don’t know the word hobby

My wife sleeps, softly – it is what peace looks like

I labor away

I’m envious of her

While I do the things I choose to do

Control

Just let go

I’m not holding it

I can’t just drop it

It’s tethered to me in ways I don’t even know

I can only control me

But it’s made itself part of me, sewed itself inside of me

Exorcism

Let the demon out of me please lord

Spend most of my days panicked over good or bad

Ancient biblical shit that still plagues my 2024 brain

I’m an atheist who believes he could go to hell

People pleasing, codependence just to be good

Do the right thing!

Me